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She takes a sidebar thought, "She is young and hasn't become fascinatedwith boys yet." However she decides that since I am buying a bra then Iam taking my first steps. "Yes, she will discover them soon enough," sheanswers her thoughts to herself. She does choose to leave out the sectionher sister told her why the hook was the boy and the eye was the girl.She says that she pretended they were lovers and she must guide theirlips to kiss. She said she imagined if she kissed nicely with a boy thatshe liked then he would become her real boyfriend. "I practiced allweekend and then when I went to school Monday I find out that he movedaway. I didn't practice after that but by then I didn't need it."She was a good story teller and I didn't want to upset her. "You musthave been sad." I said pretending to understand. She replied, "Actually Iwas more like mad. It was partly because he never told me he was movingbut mostly because I got jealous that he told another girl."Again I chose not to tell. There was no way that I could make such a big decision on my own, I needed to talk to someone, share the burden of making such a epic choice. But the awful truth was, that there was no one I trusted enough that I could discuss this problem with, I was on my own. It was then that I remembered a book that I'd read years ago about a man who lived his life according to a roll of the dice. That way, it would transfer the onus from me and to an inanimate object. This appeared to be the solution, the cheat's way, the coward's way, and the easy way out. I fished in my purse for a coin. Was I really capable of making a life changing decision on the turn of a two pence piece?I could have argued the pros and cons of my situation for a year and a day and still have come to the wrong conclusion. But then, that was the whole crux of my problem, both decisions would be wrong and both would be right. I was weighing up the two events; do what was decent and honest and would leave me a gibbering.
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